The Magic of Christmas
by Applesauce and Chocolate
Summary: Alone on Christmas Eve, Abby goes to a Christmas pageant called 'The Magic of Christmas' but will she find it? Takes place during during Season 10, pre-Kem. Please RR.


Disclaimer: None of this belongs to me, it belongs to TPTB.

A/N: This was written for a challenge a while ago. I found it recently and thought "hey, I should post that." So I am. This was written pre-Kem, just to let you know.

**The Magic of Christmas**

Abby flipped off the T.V., but didn't get up. No matter how lazy she was feeling she'd rather stare at a blank screen than watch _It's a Wonderful Life_ for the eighth time.

"Well, couch, it's just you and me," she said aloud. "Together on Christmas Eve. It's not too bad. I mean, I can do whatever I want. I don't have to worry about making anyone else happy. I can just relax. I'm happy, and that's what's important, right?" She looked at the couch almost expectantly. Then she shook her head and laughed at herself. "I'm talking to a couch," she said.

She got up and went to the kitchen to get some more eggnog. Opening the cupboard to get some nutmeg, she saw the cinnamon sitting next to it. Slowly she reached for container. Carter always put cinnamon in his eggnog. She smiled fondly at the cinnamon, remembering when they had discovered their different preferences. That had been a wonderful Christmas. Just the two of them...Catching herself, she shoved the cinnamon into the cupboard and defiantly poured nutmeg into her drink.

She went back to the couch and asked it, "Couch, why can't I stop thinking about him?"

She felt like she was going insane. He was everywhere. All day she'd been distracting herself vainly. She'd dug out a box of old winter clothes and found a sweater of Carter's. Her plastic Christmas tree had come in a box with a picture of a tree saying, "John's trees last a lifetime!" She tried to play the Boggle game Susan had given her for Christmas, but she kept finding words like "rich" "Jon" "love" "chaos" and "jeep." But they weren't together anymore. And he was in the Congo, besides that.

She took a sip of her eggnog, but it wasn't any good; too much nutmeg.

The doorbell rang, and Abby went to answer it, grateful for the distraction. She opened the door to find someone she wasn't expecting. It was a little girl with blonde pigtails dressed in an angel costume. She had been adjusting her wings distastefully (they made her look a bit like a white peacock) but straightened up when she noticed Abby. She held several brightly colored papers in her hand, and gave one to Abby.

"Please come see _The Magic of Christmas_," She recited quickly, sounding bored. "It's an original musical production held at St. John's Union Church at seven-thirty tonight. You'll experience the joy of and magic of Christmastime, and learn the true meaning of Christmas."

Abby, a bit startled, took the paper and said, "Uh, okay."

The girl smiled falsely, wished her a merry Christmas, and left. As she closed the door, Abby could hear another voice that undoubtedly belonged to the girl's mother.

"Way to go, Addie! You were great!"

With a smile, Abby remembered her own mother at Christmas one year. As though trying to prove to herself that her family could, in fact, have a semi-normal Christmas, she'd signed her children up to be in a Christmas pageant. Since the church was very small, not many kids signed up so Abby had been chosen to play Mary, simply because of her dark hair. Abby hadn't wanted to do it, but it meant that she had to spend less time at home, so she did. The night of the show, she had dared to hope that it might turn out good after all—until Maggie showed up manic. Needless to say, it was a disaster. She stopped thinking about it. Carter wasn't ruining her Christmas, and neither was Maggie.

She walked back to her couch looking at the paper. _St. John's Union Church._ How ironic. That man could just not leave her alone. No, that wasn't true. He _had_ left her alone. He just couldn't leave her alone about leaving her alone...or, something like that. Having confused herself, Abby sat down.

"You won't ever leave me, will you, Couch?"

She imagined that if the couch had eyes, it would have rolled them at her. It's not like it had much of a choice, after all. Picturing the couch with eyes, she started to laugh.

"Abby, you need to do something."

She wasn't sure which was worse, talking to the couch, or talking to herself.

Maybe she should just go to work. They always had room for more help at the E.R., and she could use the double overtime. But even despite that, she hated admitting that she would almost rather be at work on Christmas Eve because she had no where else to be. Susan had offered to have Abby join her and Chuck for dinner, but Abby had declined, knowing that Chuck had something romantic planned.

She looked back at the paper she held. She should go, she thought. It would give her something to do, at least.

Abby was sitting in the back of the crowded auditorium, the girl on stage singing "O Little Town of Bethlehem" backwards. She wasn't very good. Abby was amused. _The Magic of Christmas_ turned out to be a sort of hodge-podge group of kids getting up on stage and singing different Christmas songs.

"Hi, Abby."

She jumped at the quiet voice behind her. She turned, and there he was. Standing there, just staring at her.

"Carter!" She said it a little louder than she'd meant to, earning a few glares from the people around her.

"How...you're not..." she was so surprised, she struggled to voice what she was feeling. "Not—in Africa." She finished lamely. He chuckled.

"No. I came back."

"Yeah...I can see that," she said slowly. She didn't get it. He was _here._ Her brain was still trying to understand how that could be.

"You didn't think I'd miss _The Magic of Christmas_ did you?" He said good-naturedly.

She stared at him for a second. "What're you doing here?"

He held up a brightly colored paper. "I found this at your apartment. You weren't there, so I figured it was worth a try." He winked.

Abby was about to ask him how he got _in_ to her apartment without a key, but he sat down next to her. A surge of emotions went through her, things she thought she was long over feeling. But now, he was so close to her they were almost touching. They were closer than they'd been in months.

The audience applauded, the girl on stage bowed and was replaced by three boys dressed like the Magi. They started to sing "We Three Kings."

"So, what're you doing here?" Abby asked, unaware she was repeating herself.

Smiling, he replied, "I missed you."

There was brief applause as one of the boys did a solo.

"Oh."

She tucked a loose hair behind her ear, avoiding his eyes by giving her attention to the boys on stage.

He let out a long breath and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Look, I'm sorry for the way I left. It was—"

"You went for Luka," she said. How many times had she told herself that?

"No. Luka was my excuse," he said honestly. "I went for me. I guess I was trying to find...self-fulfillment or something like that. If I had gone only for him, I would have come back with him."

Abby looked away painfully, remembering when Luka returned alone.

"He gave me your letter."

Carter closed his eyes. "I know. At the time, I thought it was best for both of us—"

"Maybe it was," she interrupted. "I don't need you anymore, John. I'm doing just fine on my own."

He looked hurt, but nodded. "Okay, that's fair." He stood up. "I'll let you get back to the show. Merry Christmas." He turned to leave.

Abby rolled her eyes and stood up angrily.

"Don't!" She said. He paused, but didn't turn around. "Don't _do _this again. Don't leave."

There was applause again. A choir of peacock-angels came on, including Addie, and began to sing "Angels We Have Heard On High."

"Why not?" Carter's voice was nonchalant, but his eyes were pleading.

Abby folded her arms uncomfortably across her chest.

"I want you to stay," her voice was almost a whisper. "You said you weren't going anywhere, but you've already left me. Twice. And I'm not going to sit around here while you're off in the Congo trying to figure yourself out. And I _don't_ need you...but...I still want to be with you. I still love you."

Applause. The angels started singing "O Holy Night."

Carter and Abby looked into each other's eyes for a long time. Everything in their entire relationship seemed to be hanging by that moment. Neither moved, until Carter finally did what he should have done a long time ago. He stepped forward, and wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you too."

He still loved her. That revelation was worth the whole world. Abby let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, and let herself relax into his arms. Sure, their relationship was almost impossibly complicated, but they loved each other, and because of that, it would work. She knew it.

The audience clapped, and all of the children came out on stage and began a final song, "Joy to the World."

"Come on," Carter whispered. "Let's go get some coffee."

A/N: Reviews make me happy. I like reviews. But you know what I like even more than reviews? Good reviews. As in, I can actually take something from that review and know what I did well and what I did not so well. Those are the best kind of reviews. It's an added bonus when the reviewer uses capital letters in the right places and uses complete sentences. Hint, hint, nudge, nudge


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